9001 Naked Men, anyone?

The title says it all. 9001 Naked Men. Don't believe me, here's a photo of a few participant's asses.

"Naked" men on their way to the holy temple grounds.

So now let me explain what this was all about. Every year the city of Okayama holds a festival called "Hadaka Matsuri", or "Naked Festival". The goal is simple. Tightly strap (but more like jam) a white loincloth around your genitalia, get absolutely piss-faced drunk (so you can't feel the February winter), run in and out of ICE water for a few hours to purify your drunk naked ass, and then when the clock strikes midnight, every man fights over a single good-luck stick and all carnage breaks loose.

Moments before the holy stick was thrown

The little white stick promises tremendous sexual fortune for the year ahead. That's right! Risk being trampled, your teeth getting knocked out, bones broken, and your manhood being crushed all for a little white stick. I wonder what happens to the man who claims the stick of victory and still needs his monthly subscription of Viagra?

Anyways, back to the story. I went to the festival with a Japanese friend to spectate. Little did I know this friend was one of 12 government workers in charge of...hold your horses...HERDING the 9001 Naked men around the temple from one holy bathing spot to the next. So what happened? Well, I became the 13th Sheppard. Except, unlike Antonio Bandares in The 13th Warrior, I was no savior. In fact, I was the absolutely clueless foreigner who had NO idea what I was supposed to be doing. My instructions were as follows,

"Bring Nakeds from one holy place to another. They will do circles. Maybe 1, maybe 3, maybe 5. Many Nakeds will come. Good luck."

.......WHAT?!? What the hell are you talking about? I came here to snap a few photos. I have absolutely no clue what I'm supposed to be doing. Oh look here come mobs of drunk loinclothed men, wonderful!

What made matters worse is that there were literally thousands of firefighters and police officers elbow to elbow throughout the entire perimeter of the temple to A) provide damage control if drunk Japanese men lost it, and B) Keep the spectators out of the way. That meant several thousand Japanese spectators, police officers, and firefighters were all watching my clueless ass herd drunk Japanese men. Seriously, how the hell do I get myself into these sorts of things?

After a couple hours I think I got the hang of it (but my idiocy had long been cemented in the minds of all onlookers). I slipped my Iphone out of my pocket, and took a quick little video. I'm proud to say that no one, including the press, could take a video face to face like I did. Then again, I'm not sure that's something to be proud of...

When all herding was complete, Anastasia and I got to stand on the field (along with the other government volunteers and firefighters) and enjoy the show. I had one lens with me, so all the shots are pretty much the same. No worries, it was a prime spot to be. Here's one last video I snapped on my Iphone.

When all was said it done, it was a tremendously fun (but at times humiliating) event. Dear lord, I nearly forgot a crucial point, food vendors! The festival had every delicious food imaginable. Before we became entrenched in the festivities, we walked down a path and found grub like this;

The Heavenly Path of Food-Vendors

Squid on a Stick

Okonomiyaki!

Chocolate Bananas (with faces...?)

As if there weren't enough Banana's at Hadaka Matsuri already...

So that's the Naked Man Festival folks. They take place all over Japan, but Okayama boasts the best of em all. If you ever find yourself in the vicinity of a Naked Man Festival in Japan, be sure to bring your camera.